Back to school, just like that

The last time I took a night class, it was Introduction to Broadcast Journalism.  Ten months later I was in the full time program.  Ten years later, I still love getting paid to observe and report, and I'm finally taking that sewing class.

In ten 3 hour Saturday sessions, I will learn how to interpret a pattern, stitch up at least one simple dress complete with fusing for reinforcement, on an industrial sewing machine.

If I had been bold enough to follow my heart years ago, I would have pursued acting or fashion design.  I was always a dramatic child, and I'm told I was coordinating my own outfits at three.

At 14, I saw Pretty in Pink.  By 16 I bought my first vintage gown with the intention of transforming it just like Molly Ringwald's character did.  It didn't work out for me then.  The yellow satin dress (sort of rescued by a real tailor) was a disaster, so was the prom. Over the years I butchered many perfectly good garments, determined to turn scraps into sartorial works of art. Eventually I gave up and stuck with hemming curtains, and the occasional pair of pants, constrained only by a lack of skill.

Now I am reclaiming the dream, one small step at a time.

One class down, and I can thread a bobbin, stitch a straight line, a curved one, even a zig zag - on paper.  Next week we graduate to fabric.  Already, I am a card carrying member of Fabricland.  Tailor's chalk, a seam ripper, a tracing wheel and hand sewing needles were part of my first purchase.  So was some pretty cool fabric and a hideous pattern for a tunic dress everyone in the class has to sew.

I am as giddy as a school girl.

Bikram comes after my butt.

I have survived my first hot yoga class.

Barely. 

I have sweated profusely and cleansed myself of toxins.  I may have burned 12-hundred calories. I'm pretty sure I watched my belly fat melt before my sweating eyeballs.

The workout is one thing.  Getting used to contortion in humidity more suited to a eucalyptus steam at the spa, is quite another.

At one point, I actually thought I might collapse. But ego would not let me down.  My weakness would be kept from my hardbodied classmates.

I have been told  5 to 6 times a week for as little as 3, and a firmer version of myself will emerge.  I'm also counting on the better sleeps and emotional balance that came with running.  I've been pining for those goodies since a bad case of plantar fasciitis, (a foot pain as bad as its name makes it sound), made me hang up my runners for now.

So back to Bikram I go. By the way, the Bikram studio at Lansdowne in Richmond, is offering a special introductory rate: 2 weeks, $30, for all the hot, sweaty yoga you can handle.

My Pro Photographer, My New Best Friend

Jeff and I decided to supplement our wedding picture collection with some pro shots taken during the day, in a more relaxed setting, in better weather, in one of our favourite spots in the world. 

So on Friday, we got all dressed up again and hit Jericho beach with the fabulous Leanne Liakos. 

With beehived hair and false eyelashes applied, without a girdle and with tremendous gratitude, I just managed to squeeze back into the gown. 

I'm not sure how many pics Leanne took (still waiting for the final product).  But even she agreed we might be on to something.  We saved a ton of dough (just happened to catch her Spring Portrait Special), we were spared the pressures that family can sometimes add, and we were minus any strict timeline.

The results as we've seen them so far, are brilliant.  Leanne captured  the essence of who we are together.  She made us look pretty great. http://www.leanneliakosphotography.com/

Introducing little Roberto, Baby Bieksa, Little Raffi & Baby Burrows...

Jeff and Tamara Coates are proud to introduce their newest additions.  Baby Bieksa, Little Raffi, Baby Burrows, Little Lou, Little Sami, Baby Manny, Little Samuelson, Baby Christian, Little Schneider, Little Jannik, peppy, little Kesler and sweet, little Sedin are all doing well after their early fight for survival.

Proud parents are counting down to their boys' next big debut.  Tomorrow they take on a fierce, new opponent: life outside on the balcony garden.

We are tentative gardeners.  Right now we have two house plants aside from our baby tomatoes.  But all our plants have names.  It's easier to talk to them that way and encourage them to grow.

We inherited these baby tomatoes from my sister.  She had grown them from seed but was forced to find them new homes after a recent move. In the few weeks they've been in our care (they seem to respond best to Jeff), they've about 6 inches taller! I'm learning how satisfying it is to grow things yourself -- to see  how sensitive and at the same time resilient plants can be...how they bend toward the sun, how they droop when they're thirsty, and practically rise before your eyes with a little drink.

So far it's been a very cost friendly project too.  The seedlings were donated (if you know any avid gardeners well, many will happily share a cutting or two here or there - a nice way to ease in, inexpensively).  I've accumulated some nice clay pots and a couple of bedding boxes over a few gardening attempts over a few years.  Last week I spent $10 on a bag of super soil from Home Depot, and $3 on bamboo skewers that will soon help our little guys stand. 

Who knew good clean fun could come so cheap?

The egg that helped make peace with the past

Last night I was invited to make pysanky and take part in the process of decorating Easter eggs in the ancient Ukrainian tradition.  It's something we did as a family, religiously, every year at this time, when I was a kid. I can't believe I forgot how much I loved it.

A small group of friends gathered around the dining room table of my great friend V.  If it weren't for her, I'd carelessly let a lot more of my childhood slip away. 

Suddenly there they were: all the tools in front of me, including the familiar texture and smell of beeswax.  We had pencils, kistki, packets of dye, candles, eggs, and V's mother's book of  patterns. 

After a quick YouTube tutorial to remind us of the basics, and a few swigs of wine to steady the hand, we hunched over to sketch our plans across the curved landscape of our eggs.  And suddenly there we were: the next generation of Babas.

Simple exercise. Powerful, restorative, grounding experience.  Pal E kept remarking how soothing, cathartic it felt. Add to that, the tremendous bonding feeling that comes with tapping into the creative force in great company, and releasing a latent desire to connect with something familiar, cultural -- a part of your genetic make up.

We agreed we shouldn't save pysanky just for this time of year.  Why not gather and do this more often?Maybe we will, maybe we won't.  Either way, I'm building more recent memories now.

 

Still a Craigslist virgin?

The BFB is totally horrified to learn 40% of Canadians are trashing upwards of $400 by throwing out unwanted crap instead of selling it. This, according to an Ipsos Reid survey for Kijiji.

This leads me to believe a whole wack of us are still - tragically - Craigslist/Kijiji virgins.

I have bought and sold just about everything on Craigslist.  I parted with my '92 Mazda Protege online and got rid of a brand new bathroom sink never used in a reno, but sat hogging storage space for nearly two years.  I sold a coveted Team Canada jersey at the feverish height of Olympic demand and I still, from time to time, eye my husband's, wondering what it might fetch today.  When my Dad was downsizing his business and preparing to give away his entire office inventory, I stepped in and sold it for him.  We split the profit.  I made $1500!  I sold an antique wood table for more than I paid.  I've turned handbags and camera lenses into solid bucks. When it comes to best Craigslist buys, I found my wedding veil on the site, and paid just $20 for it.

So why don't more of us dabble? Survey says the perceived hassle causes nearly half of Canadians to chuck unwanted stuff out with their regular garbage!

Purging, sorting, valuing, photographing and posting are indeed involved.  So is making dates with strangers.  But I promise you, the old cliche is true: one man's trash is another man's treasure.  You'll find many who are willing to pay.

I'm currently selling an Italian granite counter top for $400.  The new owners of our old condo are gutting the place.  My savvy Ma collected it when she saw the 'free' ad.  It's worth $1500.  I should know.  I'm the one who originally bought it.

Best $5 food around...

They only do it 'to go,' and only Monday - Friday from noon-4p ..but I now plan on taking out from New India Buffet & Restaurant (805 W Broadway) at least once a week.

In a city where cheap food is plentiful but so often mediocre, this is some of the best I've had in a long time.

For $5 plus tax, you get butter chicken, basmati rice, naan bread, a wee cucumber salad and your choice of lentils, peas & cheese, or your pick of about one of three others.  And the portions aren't stingy.  Depending on your appetite, you might even have leftovers.

10/10 on the BFB's yum scale.

Stinging nettles for lunch....

Just don't touch them raw...

Seriously, they may look harmless, but they must be handled with care.  If you dare, this is their season. Nettles are one of Mother Nature's most healthful gifts to us -- they have all kinds of antiseptic properties, and are loaded with vitamins.  The humble nettle has been used to ease arthritis, asthma, bladder infections and bronchitis, and to relieve hives, kidney stones, laryngitis and PMS! Externally some say it can do great things for your hair, although I have yet to try rubbing nettles on my head.  Nettle is reportedly a remedy against oily hair and dandruff.

This is the second time I've picked them from walking trails that surround our humble little Galiano Island hideaway.  April is their time of year.  Luckily I had my gloves on me.  They can viciously aggravate exposed skin.  As Jeff and I clipped, one brushed against my wrist.  I couldn't shake the burny feeling for days.

We get so excited about those moments where we feel like we're 'living off the land'.  We feel a deep connection to something. 

So I made nettle soup for lunch and dined on the striped sea perch and kelp greenling Jeff caught, for dinner.  Yum.

Next time I will experiment with my recipe for nettle soup.  This one called for nutmeg which I think should be reserved for baked goods and rum eggnog.

Size does matter...

You can seriously shrink your flower budget by choosing smaller bouquets. 

In total we spent $264.22 in the floral department of Whole Foods.  The boss there got on board my frugal train from the start.  (This is another key part of sticking with a budget you can live with).  At Whole Foods, the whole floral team got really quite excited by the challenge of the $35 bridal bouquet.

The other key to keeping floral costs in line is to go with what's in season.  I chose a colour scheme (red), but was never 'married' to a specific type of flower.  This gave the florists the freedom to hit the flower auction day of, and make the most of the daily bargains.

In the end I had orchids and gerbs, locally grown anemones and even sustainably grown roses.  The bouquets were hand tied with white fabric ribbon and held together with red-headed pins. The boutonnieres looked like sea creatures (perfect for my husband truly devoted to the sea). 

That $264 bill bought us one bridal bouquet, four bridesmaids' bouquets, two flower girl bouquets, 8 boutonnieres and one wrist corsage.

My flowers were stunning.  I doubt any of my guests would disagree.  I don't think any one of them felt there was anything skimpy about my flora.  In the end, the arrangements were more 'me' than I could have ever come up with myself. And at $35, the price of my bouquet, was less than half the average I was quoted elsewhere, and freed me of any crafting on my big day.

Let them eat cake!

And they did! 

A thin layer of white chocolate buttercream separates a decadent carrot and cream cheese interior from its  fondant wrapping...Pure and unadulterated food porn.

My pastry chef sister and maker of wedding cake tells me fondant is sugar, sugar, and more sugar helped along by a few other key ingredients that turn it into a kind of rolled icing.  This traditional wedding cake gloss holds its form.  It is fabulous for sculpting things like the pretty pink roses and green leaves on our cake.

I'd say our guests loved it.  At the end of the night we asked for the leftovers.  All that remained was the smallest top tier.  In my conspiracy theorist head, I began suspecting the club might be serving my carrot cake for desert the next day. So I spent the next few days making phone calls, confirming cake consumption with my guests.  Turns out some like it so much, they ate it twice!

Still trying to figure out what happened to the roast beast though!

Not a party 'till something breaks?

Does a fractured foot count? My pal S danced so hard, she fractured her foot at our Friday night wedding.  This is her cast.  These are her crutches. 

She calls it 'the price of love'. She's a particularly good sport. She'll never forget our event.

S, if you're reading, my offer to feed, clothe and drive you around still stands. 

Oh, and A (who pulled a muscle in her left thigh also killing it on the dance floor), I can rent you some crutches...

Heal fast my friends...love may hurt, but seriously, not this much!

This wedding is our wedding, this wedding is your wedding. This wedding was made for you and me.

The flowers were perfect, the cake was divine.  The dress fit just right.  The girls at MAC can turn a frog into a princess.  The girls at Blo gave us film star hair from just about every era.  A looked like CoCo Chanel,  C looked like Bo Derek and they did a pretty good Audrey on me.

There is so much to say, and so much to write. From the most subtle details, to the surprises -- like a DVD called 'Smile and Nod: Marriage Advice from the Pros'. 

As we run to be with family and friends once more, I just wanted to say thank you - for reading my posts and for traveling this path with me.

There really is so much more to come - so many great deals to share, and moments to celebrate.

More to come!

Lots to blush about this morning

Last night I experienced the Rolls Royce of bridal showers.  There's even a BFB cocktail now:  vanilla vodka, granny smith apple, lemon, vanilla sugar and thyme.  It was created by Best Woman M's husband's brother -- a bartender and cocktail artist in Germany. 

Perhaps it's a function of getting married at 38.  I am surrounded by sophisticated, accomplished women, who know how to throw a party.  Best Woman C has raised the bar to soaring, new heights.  S is just the hostess with the mostest.

No male stripper, no embarrassing games.  Just the finest nibbles, best whistle wetters, most ingenious and  craftiest touches (flower pots blooming with images of Jeff and me over the course of our lives).

The theme was more 'me' than I could have thunk up.  Most of the gifts are consumable, and personal.  Each guest brought a bottle of great wine, and a favourite family recipe, written on a card, with one or two key ingredients.  The Lucky Spring Roll recipe came with the wonton wrappers and vermicelli.  B's blue cheese burger recipe, came complete with Cashel Irish Blue.  I went home with close to 20 bottles of great wine, and even a thong, thanks to my sassy new mother in law!

There isn't much that takes my breath away.  But a room full of my Women of Influence, leaves me speechless.

Blessed and highly favoured

Two days to go according to the registry countdown. This is the whirl wind.

Three airport pick ups yesterday were followed by dinner with my new in laws.  It is an extraordinary thing to look around the table at ten people who've flown in from across the country, to raise that proverbial glass to you.

Through this whole process, and now at two days before, Jeff and I have been almost overwhelmed by offers of assistance.  From slicing tomatoes and flipping burgers at tomorrow's BBQ, to dropping off the boys for their sturgeon fishing adventure in Langley this morning.  My friend A has even offered to loan me her wedding dress.  I actually may take her up on that. Mine went in for a quick steam at the cleaners last week.  It was supposed to be ready yesterday.  Today I was told, 'tomorrow for sure'.

And then there are the truly unexpected gestures that have literally taken my breath away.  On Saturday night, I was going to visit Best Woman C, to hang out with pals S and L for some last singleton cocktails.  I was in C's Yaletown pad for less than 10 minutes, when someone emerged, unexpectedly from the bathroom.  C arranged to fly Best Woman M in two days early, so we could hang out together.  Here I thought I'd be the one full of surprises, at the airport two days later to greet M.

On Monday night, pal S dropped over two CD's - compilations we'll play when the band takes breaks Friday night.  So generous of her and savvie husband W to take the time, think of wedding appropriate hits, and put it all together.  We never expected the two CD's to come bound in special cases, with my wedding dress detail on the cover!

And today, with one final dose of cosmetic acupuncture to stimulate my epidurmis and make me glow for my walk down the aisle,  I am sent home with a really, really lovely bottle of Grey Monk sparkling brut.

Truly 'blessed and highly favoured', as Uncle M might say.

Please make me look like Audrey...

When I was a kid, I had a mild obsession with Anne Frank.  As an adult, I turned to Audrey Hepburn.  For my wedding I want her updo. 'That', says the sweet little stylist I'm test driving the hair with, 'requires serious back comb'.

The hair as you see it in this photo, is obviously not the final product, but the process about half way through.

In the end, at $150 between the consultation and the actual day, the hair will not be my most frugal moment.  But I've never had a proper updo before, or at least one that made it to the function. I did have all the curls and pins and updone details for high school prom.  What I didn't have was the courage to tell the stylist I hated her creation, so I pulled the do down, pin by pin, the moment I stepped out of the salon.

So I'm going for it again. This time, gratefully, I was very pleasantly surprised at the consultation.  38 bobby pins that partially dug into my scalp kept all hairs backcombed and in place.  I'm pretty sure the final product had its own personality, and could stand on its own for days.  It was so big by the end of the audition, we contemplated hiding snacks in there in case I got hungry. There was some debate as to whether the updo was a bit severe, and should be styled partly up, partly down.  But I've now vetoed that.  My Little Sister Heather (bridesmaid number 4), thought it looked an awful lot like a mullet.

So on Friday, my four bridesmaids, two flower girls and I, have a date with the salon at 2pm.  We can bring a little bottle for sipping, and finger foods to absorb the nerves. 

This is one of those special rituals I think is worth the bucks.  Really it's only the Bridal Hair that's a little pricey.  All others are $55 for updo, $33 for blow out, and $21 for girls under 14. 

This one's on me.

The $6 Guest Book!

You learn a lot of things about yourself in the process of planning your wedding.  I learned pretty quickly, this isn't really the best time to explore my do-it-yourself skills (although I humbly accept my florist's gracious compliment over my attempt at binding my own bouquets). Handmade things are some of this world's most precious, but you have to have time, and basic knack.

In 'Experiment Flower' I did discover the kingdom of craft -- a retail giant for the do-it-yourself crowd.  I think you have to be careful here though.  It can be easy to spend.  Last minute panic almost got me again.  This time it was over the need for some kind of a guest book.  I hear people like to sign in with a greeting.  I figured the craft store may be a good option.  But $39.99 just seemed over the top.  I did pick up some beautiful thank you cards though -- 40 for 16 dollars.

I was beginning to think about heading to the local art supply shop, thinking a traditional sketch pad may just do the trick.  Then I saw the dollar store.  I don't spend a lot of my hard earned bucks on dollar store bits and bobs. 

But I stopped.  Sure enough, they had three options.  A warning though: the spelling was off on the cover of one.  One looked like the white, fuzzy journal belonging to a tween.  And one was just right.

$5.99 for a traditional, plain wedding guest book.  I can totally live with that.

Thrift Store Score, 8 Days Before!

I love the thrift store.  Especially when I score.  It doesn't happen everyday - partly because I don't devote a lot of time to regular rounds, and partly because I don't have huge patience to sift through racks of stuff.

Over the years though, I have acquired some of my favourite pieces from the local thrift, including my favourite winter coat (think Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's), a vintage velvet couch (which went with Mom to Montreal), a pair of black Prada Mary Jane's, and a old school wool overcoat for Jeff.

My sister is the real thrift store diva.  But she has much more patience than I do, and a more creative sense of style.

If, like me, a quick scan is more your way, I recommend sticking with smaller thrift stores that get a lot of traffic.  They won't overwhelm you with stuff, and turn over is high.  Also, if you score once, it's worth checking back.  People tend to drop off their goodies at the same place, so chances are the owner who gave up her turqoise, Seychelles, dropped off the same ones in black, the following season. (Another two of my favourite finds).

So today, after Jeff's trip to the dentist, we poked next door into one of my favourite Sally Ann's.  He found a practically new pair of black, high top Converse for $17.  (He needed replacements for the pair he gave to a young friend we made in Cuba). I found a pair of beautiful heels, one of my Best Women will wear on the big day. They set me back a whole 8 bucks.

Diamonds and Pearls

Who knew a few rhinestones on a hairband could run you hundreds of dollars?  I was not counting on the financial burden of the hair accessory.

Then, as these things tend to go, I found a hairband I loved, and had to have.  It's not the one in the picture.

I can now easily identify the behaviour that sets in when I'm about to seriously blow a budget.  It has panic written all over it.  The hairband situation was perfect.  Here I was, like a deer caught in headlights, with no idea what these things cost, suddenly realizing I needed one. 

Mom and I found the sparkly rhinestone piece at a proper bridal shop in Vancouver.  It really was spectacular.  And at $175, it was hardly the most expensive.  But I am a simple girl.  When will I ever step out in a rhinestone hairband again?

So we left Sparkles in her display case. 

How much do I love my about to be, mother in law?

I told her about the latest development.  She put two sparkly hairbands in the mail from Ontario for me.  They are my sister in law's.  She wore one for her wedding.  The second was an oopsie.

I got to pick from two. 

I now have 'something borrowed' and something meaningful from my new family to wear next Friday. And I happend to save 175 bucks. 

Those Snappy Red Boots

Two things I can't wait for.  Number one: marrying Jeff.  Number two: cutting a rug to a good old fashioned polka played by one of my favourite bands, alongside 80 of my favourite people.

There is nothing old fashioned about The Red Boot Quartet.  Just cutting edge, gypsy cool.  These four uber talented musicians have Eastern European swing so down, it practically oozes from their pores.  The good sports agreed to throw in a couple of old school polkas, so I could fulfill an old school dream.

As a kid I never dreamt about the big, poofy dress.  But the one wedding thought I've carried with me since childhood, was born at a Ukrainian New Year's party.

Maybe it was the freedom of the 70's, but something about the way everyone moved when the polka played seemed so easy and natural and free.  It was a good time to be a kid, and always great to dance surrounded by family and friends to a catchy, simple beat.

On which page of the frugal bible does it tell you how to afford a live band? Great music is one of those things I can't compromise on.  To me sparky live music provokes interaction, encourages connectivity, and just brings everything to life.

The Red Boot Quartet happens to be surprisingly affordable.  It helps that my talented sister is the fiddler in the band. I hope they bring CD's to sell.  http://redbootquartet.com/



The all purpose Chinatown bag

I'm so happy to see the sun! Maybe, just maybe that Vitamin D will encourage those cherry blossoms in time for our big day, now less than two weeks away!

I'm doing my part to force the change of season which starts with breaking in the straw, beach bag.  All purpose and practically industrial in construction, this simple accessory set me back a whopping $11 at one of my favourite Chinatown haunts. 

Perfect for apples and oranges today, and beach towels definitely soon!

Jacques Cousteau meets Steve Zissou

I'm in love with the re-incarnation of Jacques Cousteau. Or 30% Jacques,  70% Steve Zissou.

Jeff at a tide pool is like a kid in a candy store. 

When he's fishing he's in paradise.  When we went to Cuba, we had to take luggage big enough to accomodate the chunk of PVC pipe he cut at Home Depot, to protect his beloved fishing rod.  We always carry a spare in the trunk of the car, just in case we come upon a watering hole with potential.  He reveres all species of fish and is humbled by the sea.  He is fascinated by the Aquarium and has logged more hours there  in the two years he's lived in Vancouver, than I spent during repeated elementary school field trips.

Today I rediscovered it.  As a belated Valentine's Day gift, we bought each other an annual membership.  A happy frugal surprise:  two adult passes good for one year cost $116 plus tax.  That comes with two adult guest passes good for one visit each.  A great value when one visit costs $21 for a grown up.  An even better deal if you're a family: $138 for two adults and up to three kids -- good for a year.

If you don't want to feel like you're in a daycare, you may want to skip Sunday afternoon visits..I think I'll try 11a-m on a weekday next.

She who goes rogue on hair two weeks before big day...

Please don't hate me Luis. I just can't afford you anymore.

I've been paying close to $90 for a cut with a stylist I absolutely adore for the last few years.  I go once in spring, then again in fall. The thing is, my hair is very fine and chronically fuzzy. I have tried every product and treatment (except the Brazilian blowout, which I just can't justify), and have been searching for the magic pill since I first became hair aware.  I own the pricey, professional hairdryer, and the $68 goop that promises to nourish and tame my obviously starving follicles.

I haven't given up. I've just accepted that not all hair has magazine cover potential.  But I did begin to wonder if a trim of the bangs, and a couple of layers around the back really had to be a $90 adventure.

Once you make the frugal commitment, it's amazing who and what shows up.  Almost like the Universe has your back.

Jeff and I were walking to London Drugs to buy our marriage licence, when, at the corner of Broadway and Heather, we met Laura - a bold, young, entrepreneurial hairdresser, standing on the corner outside her salon, soliciting.

The courage, initiative and spunk of this spry 22 year old impressed me.  Her discount coupon sold me.  She charges $45 for a cut, but with the coupon, I'd pay $35.  She just moved here from the North Shore, she tells us, and is trying to build her clientele.  Once again I figured, I just need my bangs trimmed, and a few layers out back.  What was the risk? Besides, the salon she works out of is high end, and very reputable.

So I returned the next day, at the appointed time, now with a little more doubt about my decision.  Two weeks before my wedding, was it really worth messing with my hair?

So I got the $35 cut, oh, and a $100 colour. Gratefully, I am thrilled with both.

Laura sent me away with three more $10 coupons to pass along to friends.  If my friends use those cards, I'll get another $10 off my next cut. 

I'm one satisfied frugal bride.

BFB Gets Fit

Six months ago I was a closet smoker, sneaking other people's ciggies, unable to let the last few smoking pals in my life, do it alone.

Today I ran seven miles.

What changed?  I'm not exactly sure.

But by mid November, after a two month stint in Ottawa, where I smoked my face off (along with what seemed like everybody else), and on the cusp of a reunion with Jeff, who hates anything to do with cigarettes, I thought, 'it's time'.  Hardly an epiphany. They say it takes something like seven tries before you really stop, I've been trying to quit since I first lit up at 15.

First I knew I would have to remove myself from the last temptation.  Not really that hard.  Most of my girls gave it up a long time ago, but a handful persist, like lone wolves - brave social pariahs.

The last time I stopped for any measurable time, I flirted with running, inspired by my great pals A&B -- B who ran his first half marathon in his late 40's.  I was at the finish line of that UBC Fall Classic in awe. Oddly enough, two other great pals crossed that line too.  I had no idea they were runners.  A secret society of happy, healthy, beautiful people was revealing itself before my very eyes. 

Come January I started trotting the neighbourhood again.  Two minutes on, one minute off.  I was up to about 10 sets, when my friend V, who owns the Vancouver institution Rackets and Runners, suggested I sign up for a race.  She explained that would keep me honest, and training. 

I took the plunge and signed up for the Sun Run.  Now, I know reasonably fit people who run the 10 k course in about an hour and a quarter.  Until very recently remember, I could handle running for two minutes max.  Already into February, the April race seemed rather daunting.

So V suggested I join a running group out of her store.  Barely a week into March, I run three days a week, carried by the spirit of the group.

I've been taught how to do it right, to run on my toes, and bound like a deer, not to bounce, and definitely not to overdo it.  I've circled tracks, and tackled hills.  Last week I even crossed a bridge.

The discipline alone has changed my life.  I need less sleep.  I get fresh air. I've heard I'm a calmer, gentler version of myself.

Running is the ideal sport for this Blushing Frugal Bride.  Aside from investing in a good pair of runners, and connecting with a salt-of-the-earth clinic, I can do it in my grubby old yoga pants, and a polyester toque.

Pricked by an Angel

My pal J says, when it comes to preserving your face, at 35 it's time to pull out the big guns.  After years of the cheapest drug store scrubs, long past J's magic number, and four weeks to my wedding, I just needed to pull out some guns.

So, I'm getting some work done.  I've just had my fourth treatment.

Remember I'm frugal.  I also believe in aging gracefully, au naturel.  I'm not quite ready to walk around with a piece of scotch tape between my eye brows, reminding me not to frown, but I'll never forget the French woman hotel guest I served years ago, who did just that.  She wore tape like a badge of honour, sun up till sun down.

My mom looks amazing for her age.  She swears by olive oil.  My cousin P looks unbelievable for her age.  I just found out she swears by Oil of Olay.

J hooked me up with a cosmetic acupuncturist.  Yesterday I counted 40 needles in my face, hands, knees and feet - a human pin cushion.  The amazing doctor, whose skin is as smooth as a baby's rear, tells me the fine pricks cause micro-trauma in the face, and stimulate the creation of collagen.  The result, is a tighter, brighter complexion.  I'm a total fan.  So now are three girlfriends, and my Mom.

The best part.  Check with your health plan.  Many give you a certain number of acupuncture dollars.

I've been pricked by an angel.

PS.  The pins in this picture are not acupuncture needles! They are household pins from my sewing kit. If like me you are terrified of needles, you should take comfort knowing those used in cosmetic acupuncture are about as fine as horse hair, or as one of my best pals once said on the air, "as fine as a mosquito's prick".

The Recycled Suit

I have always believed every man should have a good suit.  So now Jeff has one.  It is far from his daily dress code.  He works in mining and exploration, and typically gets either really cold, filthy dirty or soaking wet in a day, trudging through the backcountry, often going where no man has gone before.

He was on a job like this, based in Shania Twain's home town of Timmins, Ontario, when we first learned he would need a suit -- not for work, but for an occasion upon his return to Vancouver.

So off he went, to the Timmins Square Mall, all alone. 

From across the country I experienced a minor panic.  There's no Harry Rosen in Timmins, not even The Bay.  The last time Jeff bought a suit was in junior high.

This was totally beyond my control. If he actually found a shop, what would they sell him? Would the car salesman of suits steer him wrong? Would the jacket fit right across the shoulders?  Would they hem the pants too short?  Worst of all, would it look cheap?

Jeff did just fine. He chose basic black, a classic jacket with a crisp white shirt and black tie.  The pants don't have too much fabric, they don't have too little either.

My fiance is neither cheap nor particularly frugal, but he paid half price for the ensemble.  He wore it to that Vancouver event, and then at his best friend's wedding in Yellowknife last summer.  He will wear at our wedding too. 

He quotes the first half of the latest tuxedo rental ad making the rounds and tells me: "on your wedding day all eyes will be on her, but her eyes will be on you".

I think he looks great in his classic black suit from Timmins that now comes with some great memories.  But then I think he'd look great in a burlap sack. 

The piece of paper

Toothpaste, check.
Toilet paper, check.
Marriage Licence, check.

London Drugs really is a one stop shop.  "Next", jokes the witty clerk, "we'll perform the ceremony".

There's no way around the $100 fee to get your marriage licence in BC, so no frugal opportunity here.  But all things considered (what the document represents etc), this cost is a small one.

Our witty exchange with the willing clerk continues.  "How would you like to pay?" she asks. Always eager to collect the airmiles, I offer my credit card.  Who knew you can charge a marriage licence?

"Are you paying for the whole thing?" the clerk throws at me. 

Jeff and I must have looked puzzled.

So she explains: "Some couples split the cost.  He pays $50, she pays $50". 

The things she must see.

The Dress Part Deux

Even when the carpet's bad and the sales team is hardly inspiring, you still have to remove your shoes.  Even if you think they might not be there when you're done, you have to leave your footwear by the door.

So Mom and I started the hunt for the $350 dress on Hastings Street in Vancouver.

I've already warned you, this was not the Kleinfeld's experience, although the girl at the first boutique could have been from New York, just maybe the Bronx.

I tell her, "no more than $350". She pulls what she has, and disappears.  I can't do it up.  I call for help. When she returns, she snaps her gum, straps me in and rolls her eyes.

Ma and I settle on a dress...one that 'will do'.  I want the night to think about it.  I return the next day with my Best Woman C.

I try it on and C isn't sold.  A gown catches my eye, and yesterday's sales girl challenges me with this: 'it's out of your price range, are you gonna buy it?' 

C had me out of there so fast, I almost forgot my shoes.

Here's the thing.  If I had tried it, if I had loved it, I would have taken it.  As much as we're determined to stay on budget, sometimes, every once in a while, we stray.  This time, thanks to the manners of a little urchin, I would more or less stay on budget, just in another store.

Thank heavens for The Koreans up the street.

Actually we almost turned around and walked out before the door even had a chance to close us in.  Dinner was on the stove in the back room. While I love ethnic food, the scent of dried fish stewing, overwhelmed us. 

But we persevered, drawn in by the big pink sales tags on every dress, advertising slashed prices and huge savings.  Three Korean women (family as far as I could tell), ran the show.  One built like the Buddha, with the same sweet smile, would make me feel better than a princess.  She made me feel like Barbie.  

There were two other brides in the fitting room with me.  One must have been in her 50's - dead shy, a little low on self esteem, but with this killer body.  Bride #2 was a tougher cookie. We figured she and her fiance had their matching Harleys out back.  Three women, three totally different experiences,  at the same crossroads in life, all in the hands of Mama Korea.

We had the winner at dress number three. 

Now we had to tackle that $550 price tag! There are some things that get harder to communicate when you don't speak the same language - bargaining is right up there.

Mama Korea called in hubby for negotiations.  Just as much of a ham as his wife, we whittled our way down to $400...plus tax. 

Frugal v. Cheap

An important distinction.

Frugal isn't about sacrificing quality, lovely things or great experiences.  Frugal implies wisdom.  Cheap can't shake shame. Frugal hosts great dinner parties at home, with good wine and fabulous cheese, instead of spending way too much on haute cuisine out.  Cheap agrees to night out then is always the last to pay.

The Pocket Oxford Dictionary (the one Ma bought me when I started grade 4 that I still use for reference), defines frugal as 'sparing, economical'.

'Cheap', on the other hand, is loaded with bagagge: 'of low cost and bad quality; inferior, shoddy; worth more than its cost; easily got or made; worthless, of little account'. 

Frugal knows some things are sacred. When it comes to my wedding, the venue is most important.  I needed a guaranteed classy affair to wow guests from out of town who have never been to Vancouver. But even on the sacred, you can still exercise frugalism.  Two of the three venues we liked didn't have catering on site. It's always more expensive (by up to 30 percent!), when the food and servers are brought it.  You'll find yourself paying for fork rentals, and hourly serving wages.  We opted for a cocktail reception over a sit down dinner.  Not a huge savings, but definitely more 'us'.

Frugal respects the value of a dollar.  Cheap smacks of deprivation, oozes poverty consciousness, and reaks of bad breeding.

I've been a reckless spender and, on occasion, I've been cheap.  Today I think I've found the balance.


She who is frugal chooses wisely.  That little black dress from Holt's half price in the January sales, really will last.  When will you wear those little white wedding shoes again?

'The Dress - Part Deux', is next!

The Hunt for the Dress, Part I

I'm a huge fan of Craigslist (which led me to my $20 veil), so I flirted with the idea of dress shopping on the site.  Here you sort through postings like, "NEVER WORN, MUST SELL NOW!!", or "DIVORCED: SELLING DESIGNER DRESS CHEAP!!".  There are deals to be had, if you can handle the juju.

I started out thinking, if I was buying used I wanted to know the history of the dress.  I actually went to the homes of two different brides, and tried their gowns.  If you're up for this, it's a bit weird trying on the dress of the stranger who wore it, in the bedroom of her home.  And you need time.  You can go across town, like I did the first time, to see a dress that looked nothing like the posted picture, and didn't fit.  So it can be a bit of a crap shoot.

The second dress was owned by a woman with the last name Bliss.  Right there my 'good history' requirement felt satisfied.  She was even happy to negotiate her $300 asking price.  She was more interested in passing it along to a good home.  It actually fit, there was a lot about it that worked, but I didn't realize it had an almost cathedral length train -- too much for my cocktail reception affair.  So I said goodbye to Ms Bliss, and hit Hastings Street, Vancouver's 'Wedding Dress Row'.

Hardly the Kleinfeld's experience.  In fact, it started out quite the opposite, and finished big.

(This picture is the main detail on the dress I eventually bought.  Will post full picture after wedding!)

The Bouquet

I met with a florist today, at a high end, organic food store.

The flower dilemna has been solved.  In fact, I think I may have unraveled a serious wedding budget secret. 

Susan was totally down with my frugal mission.  I can't tell you exactly what my bouquets will be like, because that's the X factor that makes the price right.

Here's what I learned today.  If you're not 'married' to a colour scheme, if you're okay with locally grown blooms, or at least those that are in their seasonal prime, there's room to move on price.

Bottom line, I love the work this florist does, so I trust her.  It's a trade off.  Her sense of style and design jives with mine.  To meet my budget, she'll choose the most economical blooms day of, keeping my preferences in mind. (I'm not a fan of babies breath or the dafffodil).  But here's the reality check, I also know my 'day' won't be ruined if I'm less than thrilled.

In the end, I'm spending $253.00 CDN on 1 bridal bouquet, 3 bridesmaids' bouquets, 2 flower girl bouquets, 3 corsages and 6 boutennieres, made by a high end florist who has total creative freedom, whose sense of design I trust. (Keep in mind I've been quoted $85 for bridal bouquet alone!).

Promise to post pictures of end result...

The Registry: the Faux Pas of the BFB

Yikes. 

My 'Registry' post ruffled a few feathers and raised a few eyebrows. I can hear Mom tisking as I write this...

You see she thought it was rather gauche to get into detail about a gift, who it was from, and how much it cost.  While I respect your opinions, and always consider your advice Mom, I promised myself, I was going to write about it all -- that I would giggle at that which is worth a chuckle, be surprised by the unexpected, bumble my way through the social gaffes, and stoically wade through what's a little uncomfortable.

I bring up 'The Registry' again, because it has sparked a lot of conversation so far. So have the pots.

Agnes, a fellow bride writes: "Your uncle is a very generous man! I don't think I'd have the nerve to list anything that expensive on our registry. So far I have only had the guts to list products for $70 or less. I'd feel bad about asking for anything more than that. But maybe I have time to change. We don't get married for another three months".

After wrestling with the 'right thing to do', after spending my whole life 'being appropriate, to Agnes I simply say this: why not give others the opportunity to give you what you want.  A wedding seems the perfect time to do that.

Thanks for writing Agnes!

BFB plans rehearsal BBQ

Weddings and funerals. Why can't we all get together more often?

For me and Jeff, a big part of our wedding is about paying tribute to all the minds and hands that have been our guides, our sounding boards, our pin cushions and everything in between. We want to make this get together last.  (Besides, I'm of Ukrainian descent, and we'll take any excuse to party for three days!).

Instead of a rehearsal dinner, we've planned a BBQ.  We wanted to include all our guests in a very casual setting and get the party started early.  We also thought it would serve as a nice meet 'n greet.

My early estimate suggests we can pull it off and serve 70 without breaking the bank. So far the price is right, the devil is in the details.  This is where I learn to delegate!

Dearest Dad will tackle Costco run I've estimated will run me $300.  He has also agreed to pick up and drop off BBQ we are borrowing from super cool cousin who hooked us up with the venue.

And then there are the women.  I put out the email appeal to Mom, New Mom and Aunt T, asking for help with slicing up burger toppings, chilling the bevvies, and arranging the napkins and plates. Had to share response from Aunt T...

Hi Tamara,

Yes, the Big Day is approaching quickly. There is no time to waste. The three amazing women will

spring to action and will chop, cut, mince, mix and do wonders with paper plates and cups. They’ll

sample the wine and drink some beer while putting them into coolers. Tomatoes, pickles, onions

and cheese will be cut as instructed. I am offering my men ( M, B and C) to do heavy lifting if the need arises. Hope that all is going well and on track.

Hugs to you and Jeff,

Aunt T

Amazing indeed.

Just under $200 for the rental of a student association hall (thanks to connected cousin).

$35 for the Serving It Right certificate I had to get in order to apply for a Special Occasion Liquor license we need to have.

$25 for Special Occasion License

$300-$400 on beverages (buy too much at BC Liquor store and you can bring back what you don't use, as long as it hasn't been opened)

Oh, and making progress on flowers.  After I looked back at the bouquet I 'made', I've decided it's borderline hideous.  Have appointment to check out $99 Bridal Special with neighbourhood florist tomorrow...aside from mild shock that I've left all important flora this late, seem to have found pro who can help.  Will keep you posted.

Project Carnation

Am very grateful for the many frugal flower suggestions have received since posted cry for help yesterday.

Am fiercely determined to get bridal bouquet, three bridesmaids bouquets, 2 flower girl bouquets, 6 boutennieres, and two corsages for grand total  of $220.  Have relieved savvy Step Mum of stressful flower detail.

Had sudden, creative impulse.  Will test drive DIY bouquet.  Best Women are on board. Like idea of sipping and snipping. Carnations to the rescue!!

Am rather pleased with  myself. Thinking am rather innovative. Picturing solid carnation bouquet (no babies breath), bound with stylish fabric ribbon.

Head straight to craft shop.  Spend $5.99 on lovely ribbon.  Then cross street for serious chat with corner store florist.  Am seeking two dozen carnations.  Since when did this 'filler flower' get to be a buck a stem? Am cursing Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City episode where she muses: 'I think carnations are making a comeback'.

Now somewhat intimidated, select pre-made bouquet of casablanca lilies, carnations, and daisies, for $10.99.

Run home with flowers, ribbon, and bottle of wine.

Have officially invested $17 in Project Flower so far.  Now picturing happy compromise between DIY bouquet and pro job.

I just want some daisies man...

Absolutely respect work of florists. Understand costing, arranging, ensuring survival of bridal party bouquets takes skill, talent, artistry.  Is big responsibility.

Know it's big day. Realize should look special.

But shouldn't hair, make up, dress and veil accomplish that?  How far does this go?

Balked when read this: "Typical cost of flowers for service and reception is about 10 percent of the total wedding cost". By today's count, with 25 days to go, that would hover somewhere around $1,000. 

Can my guests eat the flowers? Simply cannot justify $85 for bouquet will hold for 15 minutes max. 

Would like to make own arrangement on wedding day.  Picture giggles with bridesmaids, nipping sips of Prosecco. YouTube great teacher.  But have been assured crafting on wedding day is crazy...

Am waiting for savvy step Mum (who has taken project off hands), to confirm she can work with $200 budget for 6 bouquets: 2 flower girls, 3 bridesmaids, 1 bride.  Something about purchasing stems from flower auction day of... Would really like that $200 to include 9 boutonnieres.  Have not conveyed that to courageous step Mum.

Am currently accepting all tips on how to procure flowers...cheap.  Am not attached to type.  Am completely flexible on colour scheme.  Happy to go with what's in season on the day...anyone?

Frugally frustrated...

Face Paint

Was never goint to mess with hair.  But frugal ways mean cheating on stylist. 

Professional make up job on other hand, can live without.

Was sure I remembered how to slap on foundation, ease on blush, add something to eye lid.  Then realize haven't bought product in 3 years.  Move over Blistex, this occasion calls for a little more.

At MAC counter I learn, spend $50, make up done for free. Am booked for day of, will walk out with three new glosses - product for next ten years!

The Registry: Why We Surrendered...

I never would have imagined one of my most emotional moments in the lead up to the Big Day would occur deep inside The Bay, in registry headquarters.

Jeff and I are a 38-year-old couple, living in a one bedroom apartment, with everything we need. We're not big consumers, and weren't really sold on the idea of picking out a bunch of stuff, then asking for it with conviction, all while pledging allegiance to one retail empire. Somehow it just didn't feel like 'us'.

Then we took stock. Could the hot-knifed bread knives forever seared during a party I hosted 15 years ago, and dreaded serving dinner guests, finally be retired?  Might some new, state-of-the-art pots replace our thrift store make-do's?

First we scanned cautiously, considering every item's potential usefulness.  But a couple of hours among 500 thread count linens, Kitchen Aid mixers, and alas, the Le Creuset pots, and suddenly we could imagine a table set with Kate Spade china, and sex between Calvin Klein sheets.

We, (okay I), spent the first few days sheepishly checking our list online, until I began to wonder if maybe the store would ask me to return that $25 gift card they gave us just for registering.

Then came the call: notice that we had something to pick up.  I had to wait a day before I could go. I was like a kid the night before Christmas. 

Sweet Marion (with a striking resemblance to Mrs Claus) was waiting for me in the Registry office.  Magically she produced a massive package, wrapped in silver paper, tied with a bow.  I caught my breath. What could this be and who was it from?

We have received one item from the list of things we picked out - we got the set of Le Creuset pots we'd probably never buy for ourselves.  We will keep them for lifetime.  We will care for them like gold. What makes them most special, is from where they came.  My family amazes me everyday.  I am blessed to have great relationships, and special connections with my aunts and uncles. I was humbled, and overwhelmed and so moved and so honoured that one of my uncles felt somehow Jeff and I were worthy of such a gift.

I looked at Marion, who was beaming at me with the face of an angel, and I couldn't say anything at all -- a truly unexpected lesson in dreaming, getting comfortable asking, at ease being celebrated.

For the frugal bride who surrenders to the idea that the people who love her, may want to express that with a gesture, I recommend The Bay.  Just for showing up, and picking out a bunch of stuff, you get a $25 gift card you can spend right away!

Cinderella's $12 Slipper

Wedding Shoes: $12 Army and Navy shoe sale last year.

It's a tough job but somebody has to do it. Every year for probably the last six, I've been assigned this story as a reporter.  Every year, the women (and sometimes their docile companions), line up down the block, well before dawn, salivating over the peep toes, the kitten heels, the pumps and the wedges they'll fill their baskets with.  Fresh off a year of no shopping, I was surely immune to the hype.  But a quick scan of temptation - the aisles and aisles of size 8.5's - and there they were: the perfect shoes, at the perfect price.

Wedding shoes have been one of the best deals so far.

Up next:  a few more of my favourite things so far...

The invitation is in the mail...

Better late than never?

Sitting on the beach in Cuba as December rolled into January, I had my moment of panic.  With three months to go, I knew most of my 80+ guests were saving the date, but no one had anything official on paper.

We had no official plan for invitations either.  Oops.

In my time as a high end hotel concierge, I've planned many parties and even weddings.  I can pull a lot of things off last minute, but invitations + addresses + snail mail, aren't one of them.

In my opinion, invites should be done right - nice paper, with a tasteful message, that all still somehow represents.  As we strolled that strip of beach, grinding the mint into the last of the day's mohito, we talked concepts that could be turned around fast.  We thought about Jeff designing something (he is a very talented visual artist).  But as much as I need the pressure of deadline to write, he needs time and space to create.

When we got home, we thought we'd hire someone to do a caricature of us straddling an airplane - appropriate because we met on a flight to Newfoundland; cute because we became engaged on a flight to Montreal.  But the art alone was likely to set us back about $250.

In the end, one of my dearest friends offered her brother's professional service. 

He kept the plane theme.

Now we're hoping Westjet might sponsor the honeymoon. ;)

The Veil

Veil. Check.

Craigslist finally leads me to a bride who didn't pay too much in the first place, and was therefore willing to sell her tulle at price I could live with. I love C's list.  He lets me window shop and deal hunt in my pj's.  I can be bold with my offers and firm with my bottom line, comforted by the cloak of anonymity. 

I think the veil is perfect.  If not, I think it will do for the 20 minutes I will wear it.  I say this as if I'm not especially particular.  It's actually quite the opposite. I appreciate great craftsmanship and the best quality like it's a holy thing. I may be obsessed with good design. But I have learned to respect the mighty buck, or at least this: if I'm going to pay $180 for something, it will be something I can love and wear over and over and over again, for a while.

Cost of veil: $20.  Satisfaction of the hunt: Priceless.

30 days to go till nuptuals! Getting great review of invitations: a play on the way we met -- aboard an airplane! More to come on the invites later.

Ciao for now!

T