The Dress Part Deux

Even when the carpet's bad and the sales team is hardly inspiring, you still have to remove your shoes.  Even if you think they might not be there when you're done, you have to leave your footwear by the door.

So Mom and I started the hunt for the $350 dress on Hastings Street in Vancouver.

I've already warned you, this was not the Kleinfeld's experience, although the girl at the first boutique could have been from New York, just maybe the Bronx.

I tell her, "no more than $350". She pulls what she has, and disappears.  I can't do it up.  I call for help. When she returns, she snaps her gum, straps me in and rolls her eyes.

Ma and I settle on a dress...one that 'will do'.  I want the night to think about it.  I return the next day with my Best Woman C.

I try it on and C isn't sold.  A gown catches my eye, and yesterday's sales girl challenges me with this: 'it's out of your price range, are you gonna buy it?' 

C had me out of there so fast, I almost forgot my shoes.

Here's the thing.  If I had tried it, if I had loved it, I would have taken it.  As much as we're determined to stay on budget, sometimes, every once in a while, we stray.  This time, thanks to the manners of a little urchin, I would more or less stay on budget, just in another store.

Thank heavens for The Koreans up the street.

Actually we almost turned around and walked out before the door even had a chance to close us in.  Dinner was on the stove in the back room. While I love ethnic food, the scent of dried fish stewing, overwhelmed us. 

But we persevered, drawn in by the big pink sales tags on every dress, advertising slashed prices and huge savings.  Three Korean women (family as far as I could tell), ran the show.  One built like the Buddha, with the same sweet smile, would make me feel better than a princess.  She made me feel like Barbie.  

There were two other brides in the fitting room with me.  One must have been in her 50's - dead shy, a little low on self esteem, but with this killer body.  Bride #2 was a tougher cookie. We figured she and her fiance had their matching Harleys out back.  Three women, three totally different experiences,  at the same crossroads in life, all in the hands of Mama Korea.

We had the winner at dress number three. 

Now we had to tackle that $550 price tag! There are some things that get harder to communicate when you don't speak the same language - bargaining is right up there.

Mama Korea called in hubby for negotiations.  Just as much of a ham as his wife, we whittled our way down to $400...plus tax. 

Frugal v. Cheap

An important distinction.

Frugal isn't about sacrificing quality, lovely things or great experiences.  Frugal implies wisdom.  Cheap can't shake shame. Frugal hosts great dinner parties at home, with good wine and fabulous cheese, instead of spending way too much on haute cuisine out.  Cheap agrees to night out then is always the last to pay.

The Pocket Oxford Dictionary (the one Ma bought me when I started grade 4 that I still use for reference), defines frugal as 'sparing, economical'.

'Cheap', on the other hand, is loaded with bagagge: 'of low cost and bad quality; inferior, shoddy; worth more than its cost; easily got or made; worthless, of little account'. 

Frugal knows some things are sacred. When it comes to my wedding, the venue is most important.  I needed a guaranteed classy affair to wow guests from out of town who have never been to Vancouver. But even on the sacred, you can still exercise frugalism.  Two of the three venues we liked didn't have catering on site. It's always more expensive (by up to 30 percent!), when the food and servers are brought it.  You'll find yourself paying for fork rentals, and hourly serving wages.  We opted for a cocktail reception over a sit down dinner.  Not a huge savings, but definitely more 'us'.

Frugal respects the value of a dollar.  Cheap smacks of deprivation, oozes poverty consciousness, and reaks of bad breeding.

I've been a reckless spender and, on occasion, I've been cheap.  Today I think I've found the balance.


She who is frugal chooses wisely.  That little black dress from Holt's half price in the January sales, really will last.  When will you wear those little white wedding shoes again?

'The Dress - Part Deux', is next!

The Hunt for the Dress, Part I

I'm a huge fan of Craigslist (which led me to my $20 veil), so I flirted with the idea of dress shopping on the site.  Here you sort through postings like, "NEVER WORN, MUST SELL NOW!!", or "DIVORCED: SELLING DESIGNER DRESS CHEAP!!".  There are deals to be had, if you can handle the juju.

I started out thinking, if I was buying used I wanted to know the history of the dress.  I actually went to the homes of two different brides, and tried their gowns.  If you're up for this, it's a bit weird trying on the dress of the stranger who wore it, in the bedroom of her home.  And you need time.  You can go across town, like I did the first time, to see a dress that looked nothing like the posted picture, and didn't fit.  So it can be a bit of a crap shoot.

The second dress was owned by a woman with the last name Bliss.  Right there my 'good history' requirement felt satisfied.  She was even happy to negotiate her $300 asking price.  She was more interested in passing it along to a good home.  It actually fit, there was a lot about it that worked, but I didn't realize it had an almost cathedral length train -- too much for my cocktail reception affair.  So I said goodbye to Ms Bliss, and hit Hastings Street, Vancouver's 'Wedding Dress Row'.

Hardly the Kleinfeld's experience.  In fact, it started out quite the opposite, and finished big.

(This picture is the main detail on the dress I eventually bought.  Will post full picture after wedding!)

The Bouquet

I met with a florist today, at a high end, organic food store.

The flower dilemna has been solved.  In fact, I think I may have unraveled a serious wedding budget secret. 

Susan was totally down with my frugal mission.  I can't tell you exactly what my bouquets will be like, because that's the X factor that makes the price right.

Here's what I learned today.  If you're not 'married' to a colour scheme, if you're okay with locally grown blooms, or at least those that are in their seasonal prime, there's room to move on price.

Bottom line, I love the work this florist does, so I trust her.  It's a trade off.  Her sense of style and design jives with mine.  To meet my budget, she'll choose the most economical blooms day of, keeping my preferences in mind. (I'm not a fan of babies breath or the dafffodil).  But here's the reality check, I also know my 'day' won't be ruined if I'm less than thrilled.

In the end, I'm spending $253.00 CDN on 1 bridal bouquet, 3 bridesmaids' bouquets, 2 flower girl bouquets, 3 corsages and 6 boutennieres, made by a high end florist who has total creative freedom, whose sense of design I trust. (Keep in mind I've been quoted $85 for bridal bouquet alone!).

Promise to post pictures of end result...

The Registry: the Faux Pas of the BFB

Yikes. 

My 'Registry' post ruffled a few feathers and raised a few eyebrows. I can hear Mom tisking as I write this...

You see she thought it was rather gauche to get into detail about a gift, who it was from, and how much it cost.  While I respect your opinions, and always consider your advice Mom, I promised myself, I was going to write about it all -- that I would giggle at that which is worth a chuckle, be surprised by the unexpected, bumble my way through the social gaffes, and stoically wade through what's a little uncomfortable.

I bring up 'The Registry' again, because it has sparked a lot of conversation so far. So have the pots.

Agnes, a fellow bride writes: "Your uncle is a very generous man! I don't think I'd have the nerve to list anything that expensive on our registry. So far I have only had the guts to list products for $70 or less. I'd feel bad about asking for anything more than that. But maybe I have time to change. We don't get married for another three months".

After wrestling with the 'right thing to do', after spending my whole life 'being appropriate, to Agnes I simply say this: why not give others the opportunity to give you what you want.  A wedding seems the perfect time to do that.

Thanks for writing Agnes!

BFB plans rehearsal BBQ

Weddings and funerals. Why can't we all get together more often?

For me and Jeff, a big part of our wedding is about paying tribute to all the minds and hands that have been our guides, our sounding boards, our pin cushions and everything in between. We want to make this get together last.  (Besides, I'm of Ukrainian descent, and we'll take any excuse to party for three days!).

Instead of a rehearsal dinner, we've planned a BBQ.  We wanted to include all our guests in a very casual setting and get the party started early.  We also thought it would serve as a nice meet 'n greet.

My early estimate suggests we can pull it off and serve 70 without breaking the bank. So far the price is right, the devil is in the details.  This is where I learn to delegate!

Dearest Dad will tackle Costco run I've estimated will run me $300.  He has also agreed to pick up and drop off BBQ we are borrowing from super cool cousin who hooked us up with the venue.

And then there are the women.  I put out the email appeal to Mom, New Mom and Aunt T, asking for help with slicing up burger toppings, chilling the bevvies, and arranging the napkins and plates. Had to share response from Aunt T...

Hi Tamara,

Yes, the Big Day is approaching quickly. There is no time to waste. The three amazing women will

spring to action and will chop, cut, mince, mix and do wonders with paper plates and cups. They’ll

sample the wine and drink some beer while putting them into coolers. Tomatoes, pickles, onions

and cheese will be cut as instructed. I am offering my men ( M, B and C) to do heavy lifting if the need arises. Hope that all is going well and on track.

Hugs to you and Jeff,

Aunt T

Amazing indeed.

Just under $200 for the rental of a student association hall (thanks to connected cousin).

$35 for the Serving It Right certificate I had to get in order to apply for a Special Occasion Liquor license we need to have.

$25 for Special Occasion License

$300-$400 on beverages (buy too much at BC Liquor store and you can bring back what you don't use, as long as it hasn't been opened)

Oh, and making progress on flowers.  After I looked back at the bouquet I 'made', I've decided it's borderline hideous.  Have appointment to check out $99 Bridal Special with neighbourhood florist tomorrow...aside from mild shock that I've left all important flora this late, seem to have found pro who can help.  Will keep you posted.

Project Carnation

Am very grateful for the many frugal flower suggestions have received since posted cry for help yesterday.

Am fiercely determined to get bridal bouquet, three bridesmaids bouquets, 2 flower girl bouquets, 6 boutennieres, and two corsages for grand total  of $220.  Have relieved savvy Step Mum of stressful flower detail.

Had sudden, creative impulse.  Will test drive DIY bouquet.  Best Women are on board. Like idea of sipping and snipping. Carnations to the rescue!!

Am rather pleased with  myself. Thinking am rather innovative. Picturing solid carnation bouquet (no babies breath), bound with stylish fabric ribbon.

Head straight to craft shop.  Spend $5.99 on lovely ribbon.  Then cross street for serious chat with corner store florist.  Am seeking two dozen carnations.  Since when did this 'filler flower' get to be a buck a stem? Am cursing Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City episode where she muses: 'I think carnations are making a comeback'.

Now somewhat intimidated, select pre-made bouquet of casablanca lilies, carnations, and daisies, for $10.99.

Run home with flowers, ribbon, and bottle of wine.

Have officially invested $17 in Project Flower so far.  Now picturing happy compromise between DIY bouquet and pro job.

I just want some daisies man...

Absolutely respect work of florists. Understand costing, arranging, ensuring survival of bridal party bouquets takes skill, talent, artistry.  Is big responsibility.

Know it's big day. Realize should look special.

But shouldn't hair, make up, dress and veil accomplish that?  How far does this go?

Balked when read this: "Typical cost of flowers for service and reception is about 10 percent of the total wedding cost". By today's count, with 25 days to go, that would hover somewhere around $1,000. 

Can my guests eat the flowers? Simply cannot justify $85 for bouquet will hold for 15 minutes max. 

Would like to make own arrangement on wedding day.  Picture giggles with bridesmaids, nipping sips of Prosecco. YouTube great teacher.  But have been assured crafting on wedding day is crazy...

Am waiting for savvy step Mum (who has taken project off hands), to confirm she can work with $200 budget for 6 bouquets: 2 flower girls, 3 bridesmaids, 1 bride.  Something about purchasing stems from flower auction day of... Would really like that $200 to include 9 boutonnieres.  Have not conveyed that to courageous step Mum.

Am currently accepting all tips on how to procure flowers...cheap.  Am not attached to type.  Am completely flexible on colour scheme.  Happy to go with what's in season on the day...anyone?

Frugally frustrated...

Face Paint

Was never goint to mess with hair.  But frugal ways mean cheating on stylist. 

Professional make up job on other hand, can live without.

Was sure I remembered how to slap on foundation, ease on blush, add something to eye lid.  Then realize haven't bought product in 3 years.  Move over Blistex, this occasion calls for a little more.

At MAC counter I learn, spend $50, make up done for free. Am booked for day of, will walk out with three new glosses - product for next ten years!

The Registry: Why We Surrendered...

I never would have imagined one of my most emotional moments in the lead up to the Big Day would occur deep inside The Bay, in registry headquarters.

Jeff and I are a 38-year-old couple, living in a one bedroom apartment, with everything we need. We're not big consumers, and weren't really sold on the idea of picking out a bunch of stuff, then asking for it with conviction, all while pledging allegiance to one retail empire. Somehow it just didn't feel like 'us'.

Then we took stock. Could the hot-knifed bread knives forever seared during a party I hosted 15 years ago, and dreaded serving dinner guests, finally be retired?  Might some new, state-of-the-art pots replace our thrift store make-do's?

First we scanned cautiously, considering every item's potential usefulness.  But a couple of hours among 500 thread count linens, Kitchen Aid mixers, and alas, the Le Creuset pots, and suddenly we could imagine a table set with Kate Spade china, and sex between Calvin Klein sheets.

We, (okay I), spent the first few days sheepishly checking our list online, until I began to wonder if maybe the store would ask me to return that $25 gift card they gave us just for registering.

Then came the call: notice that we had something to pick up.  I had to wait a day before I could go. I was like a kid the night before Christmas. 

Sweet Marion (with a striking resemblance to Mrs Claus) was waiting for me in the Registry office.  Magically she produced a massive package, wrapped in silver paper, tied with a bow.  I caught my breath. What could this be and who was it from?

We have received one item from the list of things we picked out - we got the set of Le Creuset pots we'd probably never buy for ourselves.  We will keep them for lifetime.  We will care for them like gold. What makes them most special, is from where they came.  My family amazes me everyday.  I am blessed to have great relationships, and special connections with my aunts and uncles. I was humbled, and overwhelmed and so moved and so honoured that one of my uncles felt somehow Jeff and I were worthy of such a gift.

I looked at Marion, who was beaming at me with the face of an angel, and I couldn't say anything at all -- a truly unexpected lesson in dreaming, getting comfortable asking, at ease being celebrated.

For the frugal bride who surrenders to the idea that the people who love her, may want to express that with a gesture, I recommend The Bay.  Just for showing up, and picking out a bunch of stuff, you get a $25 gift card you can spend right away!

Cinderella's $12 Slipper

Wedding Shoes: $12 Army and Navy shoe sale last year.

It's a tough job but somebody has to do it. Every year for probably the last six, I've been assigned this story as a reporter.  Every year, the women (and sometimes their docile companions), line up down the block, well before dawn, salivating over the peep toes, the kitten heels, the pumps and the wedges they'll fill their baskets with.  Fresh off a year of no shopping, I was surely immune to the hype.  But a quick scan of temptation - the aisles and aisles of size 8.5's - and there they were: the perfect shoes, at the perfect price.

Wedding shoes have been one of the best deals so far.

Up next:  a few more of my favourite things so far...

The invitation is in the mail...

Better late than never?

Sitting on the beach in Cuba as December rolled into January, I had my moment of panic.  With three months to go, I knew most of my 80+ guests were saving the date, but no one had anything official on paper.

We had no official plan for invitations either.  Oops.

In my time as a high end hotel concierge, I've planned many parties and even weddings.  I can pull a lot of things off last minute, but invitations + addresses + snail mail, aren't one of them.

In my opinion, invites should be done right - nice paper, with a tasteful message, that all still somehow represents.  As we strolled that strip of beach, grinding the mint into the last of the day's mohito, we talked concepts that could be turned around fast.  We thought about Jeff designing something (he is a very talented visual artist).  But as much as I need the pressure of deadline to write, he needs time and space to create.

When we got home, we thought we'd hire someone to do a caricature of us straddling an airplane - appropriate because we met on a flight to Newfoundland; cute because we became engaged on a flight to Montreal.  But the art alone was likely to set us back about $250.

In the end, one of my dearest friends offered her brother's professional service. 

He kept the plane theme.

Now we're hoping Westjet might sponsor the honeymoon. ;)

The Veil

Veil. Check.

Craigslist finally leads me to a bride who didn't pay too much in the first place, and was therefore willing to sell her tulle at price I could live with. I love C's list.  He lets me window shop and deal hunt in my pj's.  I can be bold with my offers and firm with my bottom line, comforted by the cloak of anonymity. 

I think the veil is perfect.  If not, I think it will do for the 20 minutes I will wear it.  I say this as if I'm not especially particular.  It's actually quite the opposite. I appreciate great craftsmanship and the best quality like it's a holy thing. I may be obsessed with good design. But I have learned to respect the mighty buck, or at least this: if I'm going to pay $180 for something, it will be something I can love and wear over and over and over again, for a while.

Cost of veil: $20.  Satisfaction of the hunt: Priceless.

30 days to go till nuptuals! Getting great review of invitations: a play on the way we met -- aboard an airplane! More to come on the invites later.

Ciao for now!

T